Welcome to blended af, the podcast where real co-parenting meets real life. Hosted by Kara and Brianna, were having honest conversations about blended families growth and navigating it all together. Thanks, mom. You're welcome. I always have to do the boy jobs around Kara. It's fine. It's fine. I am happy to have you back. I know I felt so lonely and that I'm so lonely. Look, it's fine. Nobody was here from me. Do you wanna talk about the little bit of a fit you through with it? When I asked if Aaron wanted to join the I didn't do. You were throwing a fit That was not a fit. You read that so wrong. I was in the middle of training a client at the time when you messaged me. And then I forgot to get back to him. I like, oh, she's didn't think I left her on red end. She thinks I'm so I'm just gonna reply. And then I was in the middle of work and then I replied short and I was like, oh, great. She thinks I'm short. So now she thinks I'm mad. I did think you were mad. I was not mad. I'll stop mad at all. You were like, what is he even gonna talk about? Well, yeah. I'm like, what is he gonna talk about? Okay. I said, no, I didn't know the topics. I'm like, well, where are we? Talk about. You just had fomo. I just want, yeah. Yeah. Nick took the spot, which I let him, and then, then I was like, oh, wait, two weeks in a row. Fine. Just wonder. Basically kicked to the curb. It's fine. I mean, I know I'm a good speaker like you, but it's fine. You've been replaced. You have to edit all my stuff. I do. Aaron said, um, a. So I had to take those out. I loved hearing how nervous he was. I could hear it in his little blaze. Yeah. He was so nervous. So nervous. And he gets it. Yeah. All right. You can't see me. See, you missed me though. Like I'm more fun. You are more fun. Oh, you, you heard it. You are comical. I know. Y'all heard that? Cutting this part out. No. Okay, so we're gonna talk about something that I feel like doesn't get addressed as head on as maybe it should be, and, um, maybe overlooked. So I think there's kind of a ripple effect that our healthy co-parenting relationship has on people outside of the four of us and our kids. So thing, you know, family, friends, things like that. We get a lot of feedback from people. People stop us at the gym, they message us, and they'll, it's overwhelmingly positive and how amazing it is that we're so close and that our relationship is so great and, all of the positives that come from it. But I think, based off of some feedback that we've received recently, we don't talk enough about how our dynamic has changed those around us. Friends, family, extended family, things like that. I think when our relationship healed and the dynamic shifted there, it shifted for everybody else too around us. And there were people who were your support system in Aaron's support system, and they probably were heavily involved during the breakup and the divorce and kind of the aftermath of that. How do you feel like those outside relationships, one view are dynamic, and how do you feel like it affects them? I'd say, thinking friends and family, especially ones that more so family, that were a part of the beginning, the ending, the middle, everything in between. I think they're the ones that. Struggle the most with accepting how genuine this is even now, probably a little bit today. Yeah. And I think it was hard for them, and it's still hard for them to, adapt to the change or move forward. Mm-hmm. I guess for us it's like hard to put ourselves in their place because we're so focused on our situation at hand. Yeah. That we don't realize how much it affected them. And probably still affects them. Yeah. And you probably never asked him. No. 'cause it's, you're just trying to get through it and you're just like, I just wanna move forward. I just wanna be done with it. But Aaron and I are very similar in the way that we want to just like clean slate. Like, okay, let's just like. Keep moving forward. Let's not like linger, you know, and we were lingering for so long when we finally got to a steady state, we're like, alright, cool. Like full sail, you know? Yeah. And so we don't wanna go backwards, because it does bring up, and this is the most backwards that we've been like talking about it, bringing it, like putting it all out here on the table. Yeah. And that was a huge fear of mine is Yeah, that's probably why we waited so long to do this. Oh yeah. That's why we talked about that, is that, yeah. Stirring up old memories and feelings, stuff like that. Listening to the podcast last week and like things you had brought up. Mm-hmm. Like even Nick asked me, he's like, did that, trigger you in any way? Did that make and parts of it? Yeah. A little bit. we're human, but we still felt those feelings regardless of how many years ago. Yeah. Like it doesn't go away. Mm-hmm. And it was also cool to hear though it was. Cool to hear Aaron, acknowledge that, you know that we're both good parents. Yeah. Like I don't hear him say those words like he said, he doesn't say those words and even if he does, he maybe doesn't word it very well. Right. But to hear him acknowledge that I am a good mom, like that made me feel really good. Mm-hmm. Or even to point out that he wasn't his best self. Yeah. You know, in the past, like that was cool. Yeah. But. Aside from that, we don't ever really like to talk about the past, you know? Right. Because it's like, oh, we don't wanna stir a pot or get things riled up again, so, yeah. Yeah. And so you don't talk, you don't wanna talk about the negatives for sure. Right. But that almost makes it so that you don't talk about any of the positives too. Right. And so, like you said, and, and there's been things that you've said on this podcast that he's heard. Positively. And it's like, oh, I, I guess I didn't realize that she felt that way. Yeah. Because again, we've never worked, you talk, we've never communicated very well. So even the good, we had no problem pointing out the bad, in the past. But yeah, we never took the time to be like, Hey, I see you. I see the good in you. Mm-hmm. So it's kind of cool to that part of this. It's kind of nice to hear. Yeah. Yeah. Do you think that if I, was your friend back then that I could like. Make your relationship work with him. Yeah. I don't think any friend could be, let's be honest. He said it perfectly. Like he, he word it perfectly like we were truly toxic. Yeah. But again, we were friends. We were just, we, any teenage, late teenage, early twenties relationship like he was, right. Yeah. Well, don't I, I don't really wanna acknowledge he right now. Okay. There were a couple parts of that I almost edited out. And then I was like, Nope, I'm holding True to what I said in the beginning though. Like what part? Um, I almost edited out the part where he said, the partner that he is with me, that part? Mm-hmm. Because it, I was like, oh gosh, I don't know how Kara's gonna take that. And if she's gonna. Take offense to it, or? No, I mean, it was worded very well. He's right, like, and it, it goes the same way, like, who I am with Nick versus who I was with Aaron. With Aaron, it was very much a tit for tat relationship. Mm-hmm. He would say things to get outta my skin, even back then, and I would do the exact same. I, he'd be hateful, so I'd be hateful. Yeah. But I will say that with Nick and because he doesn't handle situations that way. He'll call me on it and be like, Hey, you're not gonna talk to me like that. This is in the past. Yeah. But. I will see that I'm like, you know what? I'm gonna remember from what I've done wrong in the past and you are right. I'm not gonna yell back, I'm just gonna. Sit with my emotions here for a minute, gimme some time, let me process it. And that's something I was never able to do. Mm-hmm. With her. Yeah. Um, it's 'cause Nick gives you that space to do so. Exactly. That safety. Yeah. To do so. Yeah. So it's just, it is very much dependent on the person you are with and what they can bring out of you. Because he wasn't wrong in that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like with friends too, I think there's different versions of myself that each friend gets, so, oh yeah. It's just whatever that dynamic is, but. Some friends need more from me. You need everything from me, so mean, I dunno what you're talking about. It's fine. But, for me personally, I think that I am a bad friend. In general. I kind of neglect friendships because there's, I've always had more stock into my family, so that's always gonna be priority. And so like friends for me. Second or third priority. Yeah, same. So for me, I think the difference in our relationship is that yes, we're friends, but we're family. Yeah. We're family first. Yeah. Right. So that dynamic is my anchor. Yeah. So that I can, if we do have like, 'cause we've had issues mm-hmm. But in other friendships that I might just let things go. Like let the friendship fall off. I don't do that. So I show up more intentionally with you. Yeah. And. I think a lot of people assume that our relationship is this good because we have to co-parent. Right. And in some ways I think they're right. Yeah. Because that is an anchor and an, it's an intentionality. And I show up in a different way because of that layer. Yes. But I do still think it would be friends if. We didn't have the co-parenting. Do you think that I, I definitely think so. Like I've told you before, that if we met in a different life, like I still think that we would be, we would hit it off really well. Yeah. But I mean, what we have is what we have and so it's kind of hard to look at that in a different way. Yeah. But I'm the same way. I mean, and I think that is hard for our friends or my friends mm-hmm. To see past, because we do refer to each other as best friends. Mm-hmm. And. I think sometimes other friends kind of lose sight that we're also co-parents. Yeah. I mean, they know it's an obvious, but Right. It's kind of easy to get caught up in the. Well, you make time for her. You don't make time for me. Mm-hmm. But we're raising children together. Mm-hmm. However they wanna look at it like we are literally moms Yeah. With the same children. Yeah. And we're, we're baby mamas. Yeah. So I, I definitely, we'll get the heat, you know, from other friends, feeling as if they're feeling neglected. And, but when you're a mom in your thirties. And you got family. Mm-hmm. Whatever that family looks like. Yes. Ours is big and blended, but it's still our family. Yeah. This is our immediate family. Yeah, exactly. Like everything else gets put on the back burner. Like we've got jobs, we're both working multiple jobs at that. Mm-hmm. Because we've got expensive as kids. Yes. And then we've got kids that are doing all this extracurricular activities. They've all got schedules, they've all got things going on. Mm-hmm. And then we're also trying to make time for ourselves. Yeah. In the mix. Absolutely. So Where do the priorities lie? Like sometimes do I feel like a bad friend? Absolutely. Pretty often actually. Yeah. And, but it's never intentional and I feel like my friends that know me well enough and respect, you know, the fact that I have a busy life mm-hmm. Like that doesn't weaken our friendships. Just because I'm absent doesn't mean that they can't call me if they absolutely if they needed me mm-hmm. They know that I'd be there. Right. So that's kind of the way I look at it. I've always kind of said that upfront, I can't do high maintenance, but. If you're ever in a buying, know that, like I'll be there. Yeah. And so I think the majority of them like have drawn the conclusion like, no. Like realize that it take, it's taken a little hiccups here and there, but for the most part they know okay, she's the one that I know that I can depend on, just won't be the one that's gonna show up every day. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So have you had those conversations? Yes. With people? Do you think it stems from a jealousy issue or. Probably to an extent. Yeah. I think us women, I don't, it's always that thing, like my bestie, you can call my best year bestie, but you're actually mine. Like, you know, I just feel like us as women, we're very territorial. Yeah. We want what's ours and we want that, number one, and I get it. But at the same time they have to understand that like, again, we are raising. A family together. Yeah. Like we are a family. Mm-hmm. And I just think that they, sometimes they're like, it's very simple. It's so simple, yet it's not. Yeah. So right in front of their faces. Yeah. But yeah, definitely had a few of those conversations. Yeah. Well, I think our lives are so integrated that sometimes it's easier for us to just, we go to the same doctor, we go to the same clinic, we go to the same hair place. We, we kind of live very similar lives. Yeah. And so that kind of means that we have similar groups of friends. Yeah. And so like I've became friends with some of your friends that you've introduced me to, just because it's like easier, I guess, I don't know 'cause I'm not in competition with anybody. Right. I'm not gonna be that one that's like fighting for this like number one spot, which doesn't exist. Mm-hmm. Right. So that to me is weird, but. We've had issues in the past where we've had to literally address this problem. Yeah. And I am just not interested in doing that anymore. Yeah. So I've kind of taken myself out of all of that dynamic. 'cause I'm just, I'm not doing it. So there's all I have to say about that part. So, who was your. Biggest support person during your divorce, would you say? Like who did you run to the most? Uh, I'd say definitely my mom a lot. And then my sisters, I'd say that they were all kind of, depending on the timeframe, we're all very much involved. Yeah. In the day-to-day chaos. Because it was a very dramatic divorce, let's say, from what it's, yeah, it did not go smooth. How is your relationship with them now? Has it changed? Uh, some of 'em, yeah. I would say not like intentionally uh, my older sister, I'd say things kind of fell off because she was very much involved in it and there was just a lot of drama. Mm-hmm. And she kind of got drug into it, involved at all. Yeah. Just because I was going to stay with her for a while. And her family. Yeah. And her husband was best friends with, and that was the thing is like, we're all close together and we were all before that all hanging out, always like partying or whatever, like we were all friends. So, yeah, that got messy. And again, it was just a very dramatic time and like again, Aaron, I did not show up as our best selves throughout the whole thing. Yeah. So we both did stupid shit. We both said stupid shit. So inevitably it kind of like caused a little bit of friction, like gradually. Yeah. Amongst ourselves. And I would say that that relationship's. I mean, we've gone back and forth. Like I, I'll always love her. Don't get me wrong, I always love the whole family, but and I don't know that it was from the divorce that things fell off. I, we just were busy too, you know? Mm-hmm. Like, we've talked about it since then and we've hashed things out. Does it always leave? Maybe little wrinkles? Sure. But at the same time, like I respect the fact that she has a very busy life with her kids, and her kids are extremely busy in their sports. I kind of chalk it up for what that is, so, yeah. Yeah. And then as far as like my little sister, she's always been heavily involved in, you know, everything. 'cause she's like been my closest sibling. Yeah. So, yeah, she was there helping pick up the pieces and like, you know, she's very emotional herself and she knew that I, that was in very emotional time for me. Mm-hmm. So yeah, she was definitely around as well and kind of experienced it all through. Yeah. All of this is kind of stemming because she, um, she left a comment in a question And it was kind of long and kind of the, inspiration of this episode. So I thought when I read through the, the question and it had some context and some backstory too, and so I really sat with it for a minute and wanted to. Really give it what it deserved in terms of an answer. Mm-hmm. And some context and some, perspective from our point of view too. So I'm gonna read the question and we're gonna go from there. So we're. Okay, so this is from Kimberly. She said, I've really loved this podcast because even though I've watched everything unfold in real time, it's helped me understand each of you on a deeper level and given me appreciation for what the last few years have actually taken from the outside looking in, I watched my sister get married, go through a divorce, navigate the chaos that comes with it, new relationships, split custody, and eventually healing. And honestly, once things got better for all of you, that's when I had to confront something in myself that I wasn't expecting as an extended family. As the family grew, the dynamics changed. Time, access and closeness looked different, and I struggled for a while with feelings, what felt like loss, even though nothing was actually taken away. What I eventually realized was that this wasn't loss at all. It was growth. I didn't lose my family. I gained more. That leads me to my question. I supported this family through the hardest parts, but I'll be honest, when healing happened and new best friend bonds formed, it sometimes felt like I lost my sister. In the process, what do you wish extended family understood about the emotional shifts that come with healthy co-parenting? So that was a really well thought out and. She's probably been sitting with this for a while. Mm-hmm. From what I can imagine, and I think I have a pretty good relationship with your sister. Her and I have conversations and she's kind of given me her perspective of our dynamic and all of that. And she's always such a positive person and, her intentions from my perspective are always pure. Mm-hmm. But she is an emotional person, and so when she kind of put all of that out there, I really felt like our answer needed to be deserving of her question. Mm-hmm. So, I guess we'll just start with the question. What do you wish that extended family understood about healthy co-parenting and the changes? I feel like taking it back, like what we were just. Talking about like when people go through things, they tend to lean on their family. Mm-hmm. And so when Erin and I went through our separation and divorce, like I heavily leaned on her. Mm-hmm. And then once we finally got to a place where like we figured it out and I I met Nick and then we created this. Got, mm-hmm. Got us figured out. That then again, unintentionally family, like extended family gets put on the back burner. Yeah. And it's just 'cause like, okay, life's moving forward, here we go. Like, let's get this figured out, like we're raising children together. Mm-hmm. Just keep on going. Yeah. And it was never intentional. There was never any hard feelings whatsoever. And it is never what we, it's not that you don't want to still be close with her. Right. But we're also in two different places, like in life. Yeah. She doesn't have her own kids. She doesn't have children yet of her own. I know that. Like, that is a plan. Yeah. But she's not in the thick of parenting and Right. So she doesn't have all the, I know we post a lot on social media. Mm-hmm. Um, like our day to day, but we don't post everything. No. Not even though our schedule probably terrifies some people, but also some moms would totally relate to it. A hundred percent. But like I can't think of one night that, or one day that we haven't had. Basketball, football, baseball, cheer, you know? Mm-hmm. Choir like, and I know we do this to ourselves, but like we do it for our children, you know? Yeah. But that's hard for people on the outside to understand or realize. Mm-hmm. And my sister doesn't have children yet. And so that the added responsibility on top of that, like I work a full-time job, but I also have always dabbled in side hustles. I now I'm for personal training and pretty much to the point of that's a full-time job. And that's to pay for all these sports that we have our kids in. So when I finally do have a moment to breathe, the last thing I want to do is I just wanna disassociate truly. I introvert. I naturally am an introvert, surprisingly, which most people probably wouldn't believe that, but so when I have time to myself, I just want to be at home and I just want to chill. Like today, for example, it was the first day that we have not had something going on. And I felt guilty sitting there. Like this is what I want to be doing. Yet the whole time I'm sitting here thinking I'm being lazy. I should be doing something. I've got this house to clean. I've got Christmas decorations. I was like, still up, put up. And I'm just like, get up. Do it. It's a nice day. So I battle with myself, but it's just so hard 'cause we're so tired. Mm-hmm. And I know a lot of moms can relate to that. Yeah. And. But do I feel like I am absent and that I could do more for my family? Absolutely. I have the typical mom guilt, but I also have the daughter guilt or the sister guilt or the friend guilt, like mm-hmm. The guilt never stops. Yeah. So like I've tried really hard to set boundaries, but unfortunately that's rubbed some people wrong and that's not my intention. Yeah. I'm not trying, I'm not setting out to distance myself from my family. It's just. It's just we only have so much time in a day. Yeah. And it's hard. Yeah. So, well, and she has Logan right now. Mm-hmm. And so she, she has a really good relationship with her nieces and nephews. Mm-hmm. Of course. I don't think any of them feel like they see each other enough. Right. Which goes back to the whole, we're really busy thing. So, when I told Aaron, I was like, Hey, Logan is gonna go hang out with Kimber. And he was like. He wasn't upset, but he was like, we just got him back. Yeah. Stop. But it was like also he's encouraging of his kids to have those relationships too, because like we had talked about before, he really values those. Extended family relationships, grandparents, aunts, uncles, whatever. Mm-hmm. So it is another layer though, to it. It's like we share custody, so we only get them half the time. Mm-hmm. But we end up seeing them more because we are so busy. So that's an added benefit. But on the days when we don't have anything going on, there's always something that comes up. You know, something comes up. Yeah. Yeah. No, I can completely relate to that. Yeah. I, I'm the exact same way. I mean. As much as I would like,, the grandparents to be more involved. Selfishly, I'm sometimes I'm kind of glad they're not as much just because of that exact reason. Like Yeah. 'cause you're splitting time then. 50 50. Yeah. Like the last thing you wanna do. I get sad when they ask if they can go over to stay at their friend's house. 'cause I'm like, oh yeah. Like, because we're selfish about our time. I know. And we know we only have so much left. I know. Like, I look at it, Parker, he's freshman. Mm-hmm. If he goes away to college. So we only have like three and a half more years. Yeah. Like that makes me so emotional. Yeah. It's not even funny. Logan's heading into middle school. Mm-hmm. I am not. Okay. Yeah. I completely can relate to that. So yeah. Their time is spent less and less with us. Yeah. As it is. Yeah. And they don't even, they're already starting to realize we're not that cool. I know. So that's kind of annoying. I know. I mean, I think we're cool, but it's fine. We are cool. I mean, I think we're doing all right. So last night in the car we turned on a Spotify playlist called like Skating Jams or something like that. And it was mostly like eighties music, but there was some like early nineties, two thousands, whatever. But, Logan was like, she didn't even know half the songs, but she was like dancing in the car and Parker put his headphones on and I, I looked back at him and was like, and then he, I made him take 'em off. But when we got home. Logan was like the typical girl thing. She was like, oh, I needed that. And it was just us like dancing to random songs that she didn't know. Erin and I knew 'em, but you know, I love it. I love it. It was just those moments that I realized are becoming less and less frequent. Yes. Because they think we're less and less cool. I know, although I'm gonna give Logan props to this one The other day when we were in the car. I had played like a remix of the Crazy Train Ozzy. Yeah. And she like got really excited when it started. Right. Yeah. And then as it started going into it, and she realized she was Oh, a remix. I was like, I am so proud. Hold on, hold my phone. I'm gonna put the right one in. Yeah. But that was just. Awesome. We're raising a riot spike. Yeah. Right. Uh, we are. The champions came on and Nora, she knows that song. I know. And so she was singing it. She loves it. So I do think that we have good taste of music that we're passing to our kids. Absolutely. So go us. Go us. Woo. Okay. So besides, is there anything else that you wanted to talk about with. Your sister's comment and anything like that? I just hope she realizes like at the end of the day, like I love her with all my heart and no amount of distance is ever gonna change that. Yeah. Like I have always rigged about her even through like her hardships and everything. Like I see her working her ass off. Yeah. And trying to get where she wants to be. She has goals, she has ambitions and I love that for her. And I'll always be there for her. I just may not be. As active like day to day and, I feel like we can always try to do better. Yeah. And I'd like to see us grow closer again, I just think it's like we just go through different seasons in life and depending on where each one of us is at, like mm-hmm. It's depending on how close we are. Yeah. But it's never intentional. Yeah. You know? So, well I guess then she just will need to get invited to more sports events. We need to give her, we send her all the schedules and overwhelm the shit out of her. Yes. Deal. Right. Kimber Wrestling tomorrow. Wrestling tomorrow. What new? Yeah, we got basketball coming up. I'll see you all tomorrow. I'll see you at the gym. Yeah. Right. Well, okay. So, uh, do you think that this friendship that we've created is required? Do you think that people can effectively. Truly effectively co-parent without being as close as we are. I do think you can. I think we took it one step further because we do vibe so well. Yeah. But I know of plenty of people that are effectively co-parenting and they may not have the same dynamic, but they. Have that level of respect that's required. Yeah. That's ultimately what you need, you know, along with what we've done ongoing saying. Mm-hmm. Like put your ego aside. Yeah. But like, as long as you can find that common ground and appreciate each one of the roles and what we play and what we do. And how we benefit from that. You guys don't have to be like, we are, people don't have to get to this level if they don't want to. Like, yeah. 'cause as we've said, every situation, it's very circumstantial. It's very much depends on how things went down. Mm-hmm. Whether or not there's resentment, whether or not there's feelings and you know, whatever the case may be, the, but if you put the kids first, which is what we started off with. 'cause we weren't friends like this at the beginning. No, it's, we had to grow into the friendship. The friendship wasn't first. No, it was the common ground. It was the okay white flag. Yeah, let's do this for the kids. Mm-hmm. You know? So it started out as that, and then it grew into respect, and then it grew into maybe a friendship, and then it was like. More? No. I would say if people want to get to our level where the trust is so strong that you would allow, Aaron, along with Nick, allowing I to go on a trip, a baseball trip together. Mm-hmm. Solely. Yeah. And stay together and that takes a little bit more. Yeah. In my opinion, I like to, if we were just. Mutual and like respectful. Yeah. I don't think that that would've happened and I wouldn't have even been comfortable with that happening either. I don't think I would've been comfortable with it. Right. But because we have peeled back those extra layers and put in that time together is why I feel like things like that, like we can do, and even us going on vacations together, I still don't think that that would be the case necessarily for everyone. No. Maybe if we didn't stay together, but when you're staying. In, in a home, whether it's a vacation home or your home or whatever, like that's your place to be. You take off the makeup, like figuratively and physically and you just, you are able to be yourself. Right? And so if you're not comfortable in your own space, right? That's not a place where anybody wants to be. But we are. Right? I think if our dynamic was different, we definitely wouldn't stay together. Yeah. Maybe we would take trips together when we had to. Yeah. You know, but not just for fun. And I also think like working through our issues too. I think that because we have, built such a solid ground that of understanding but also friendship mm-hmm. Helps us work through problems easier Yeah. Than probably what others, because people can establish and build the trust or build the respect, but then their walls aren't as strong as what ours may be. As soon as something hits, you know? Mm-hmm. Like, and they're like, oh shit. Gotta start all the way back over us. I think my perspective is people look at what their current situation is and they look at what we have in, maybe they're intimidated because Oh yeah., There is no way in literal hell will I ever get there. But you're, it's like how to eat the elephant. Yeah. You can't eat the whole elephant at once. Yeah. You gotta chunk it up. I've had people walk up to me and like, tell me that exact, the exact same thing. Like I, you know, I love that for you guys. Like I, I listened to you guys, but there's no way I could ever have that. Yeah. And I was like, why? Yeah, but why? And they're like, well, because I know this, this, and this about this person. I was like, do you know that firsthand? For example, like there was one that was saying how she had heard this about the potential stepmom. Yeah. I was like, okay, but. But have you talked to her? Have you actually got to know her? Like everybody has a past. Mm-hmm. Everybody has history. Everybody has like, I was like, man, I've got my own shit, you know? Yeah. I said, but, and are you perfect? Right. So nobody, right. So I was like, give her the room. Give her the opportunity to prove you wrong. Yeah. And I know that's scary because there's kids involved. I totally understand. Yeah. But you owe it to yourself. Not necessarily to her. But you owe it to yourself to try. 'cause if you do want this dynamic, you have to put your pride aside. Mm-hmm. You have to take down that wall and just. Open up, try and if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. I'm not guaranteeing success. Yeah. I'm just saying you're right. You will fail 'cause you've never tried. Mm-hmm. But if you try, then how will you know if it's gonna fail? I have had those ones come up and I hate that for them and I hope that, I guess we continue to do this. 'cause obviously it does help to hear it. Mm-hmm. Maybe it'll open up the opportunity, those doors for others. Yeah. So I think. That's a really hard question for me is when people are like, how did you get here? Because there's so many directions that I could answer that question in. Right. And I don't even know, we didn't all talk the right ones. No, not at first. No. That's why we keep talking about it. I know. And so when we finally decided to start this podcast, I was like, oh, this is gonna be easy. We're gonna just talk about all the things and I'm, it is not easy. No. Because memories fade. Yes. And you know, we've already dealt with the shit so. Going back, it's like what was integral for me might not be as pivotal for you Right. In the past. And then, you know, there's things that we missed. Like there's a whole lot of things that we didn't talk about Right. That we're just forgetting. Mm-hmm. And they might pop up randomly and I guess we could share it then, but Yeah. I don't even know how to answer that question when people ask me. And so that's been the, the hardest part for me because. I have all of this answer and I have no answer at all at the same exact time. Right. I just think that it took time and then, you know, throughout, like we realized we had a lot in common. Yeah. Like, okay, this person's really not that bad and she genuinely does want the best for my children. I can see that. Mm-hmm. And that's just not something you're gonna see overnight. I think people are looking for like this epiphany Yeah. Of like that. Oh, okay. She's a good person. Like, you don't know. Mm-hmm. I didn't know if you were or not. Did I hear bad things about you? I fuck, I was just gonna bring that up because I remember you telling me later on like that you heard some things and I don't even know what those things were. Yeah. Just stupid shit. But yeah. And I, I remember we talked about it and I was like, that's not even true. And like, you know, all of my dirt Yeah. You know, everything. And like, so. I'm being honest when I say like, those things you heard literally weren't true. Yeah. So, no. Yeah. But like that's the thing. You're gonna hear shit about people like, 'cause people like to talk about people. It's just what it what? I don't know. It is what it is. Yeah. People like drama. Yes, they do. So initially I did, I heard shit about you and you obviously heard the worst about me through Aaron because at that time, like, oh, the evil ex-wife, you know? So neither one of us wanted to. Give that opportunity initially, but we kept continuously being around each other like, well, you know you're here. Right? I guess you're not going anywhere. I just knew that you were gonna like me. Yeah. I mean, I didn't know I was gonna like you. I didn't want to. I know you didn't want to, but. You know, you are welcome. Yeah. I knew what was best for you back then. Oh, did you? Yeah. Is that what it was? You need a little bit of breath in your life. A hundred percent. Do I though? Yes, you do. I did. Aren't you so glad that you have life? I really am. Totally. Keep my shit together. Yeah. So. Selfishly, you will never let me get divorced from Erin. Absolutely not. I'm so selfish about it. Not even gonna lie. Like, Nope, nope. No. And that's what I think is, that was something else that Erin touched on last week or I can't remember how it was even brought up, but how, like talking about our dynamics and how close we are and in some ways it absolutely helps both of our relationships. 'cause we've both gone through things. I mean like any marriage would. Mm-hmm. And you know, there's been times where even you guys I always have to ask like, which hat am I wearing when you come to me? Mm-hmm. Like, am I wearing the best friend hat or am I wearing the like ex-wife, co-parent hat, and you'll let me know. Yeah. And so, you know, there's been times where you've vented to me and then even maybe I talked to Aaron like later on that day. And then he'll kind of vent to me and I'm like, you know what? That's it. And so I'll be like, Hey, you need to get your head outta your ass because you need to do X, Y, and Z 'cause you're fucking up. Yeah. And don't you fuck this up for me. Right. You're not, you're messing with me now. And, and that sometimes I think, you know, I was always scared in those moments. I will say that because I'm like, he's gonna take this wrong 'cause it's coming from me. Yeah. But I'm gonna try to word this in a way that he could hear me. Mm-hmm. And it has actually gone very well. I think that. Not that it happens very often, but it's been a couple times. Yeah. Where he is like, yeah, like I see it. I, I know what you're talking about. I do need to do this. And then you guys figure like Yeah. You know, move forward in a week from then and you're like, oh, don't, things are good again. Yeah. Like, yeah, because I'm selfish. I I'm not trying to, um, we ain't gonna get this luggy twice, let's be honest. No, we, I believe that we could never. No. Or maybe I just wouldn't want to. I don't want to. It's like, it is not exhausting, but it's a lot of work. Yeah. We're probably contradicting ourselves by saying we could never Yeah. This work. And you know what? We just don't want to I, yeah. I just don't want to, no, because I would just be your friend still. I know, definitely. I'd be like, can we not change anything? Yeah. 'cause I'll be like, here, lemme clear up my basement. You can see, let's be honest. Yeah. You guys, I ain't losing. Yeah. I feel like I'd become a slave. No, I I would though where I would just clean for you. What you would tell me don't clean and I would just clean. Well, that's a you problem. Nick and I would be fighting over the broom. I like, I'm just gonna leave when get back in place. Spigots span dinner on the table. Go make me money. Oh, I can go make money. I do that part. You go make money. I'll clean the house. We all have our strings. Yeah. That's my exit plan. No, I'm kidding, honey. Oh no. But I do think that like us. It in some ways, I really do think that us all being close as we are. Mm-hmm. That it really does help. Like us, we're not just holding this together for our relationships. Like we're holding it together for our entire family. Yeah. And I just think that's really ironic, you know, because like yeah. One and all of this stems from one failed marriage. Yeah. But it's like created something so beautiful. Yeah. And again, not advocating for divorce. Right. But I think everything happens for a reason. Yeah. And I know that's so cliche to say, but I think it's true. Yeah. I look at the twins all the time and think that, yeah. Whenever I look at the, when you guys had the twins, I was just like, me too. They would not be here. My little mini besties would not be here if it wasn't for X, Y, and Z. Yeah. And I'm so fucking grateful. Yeah. You know, I know. I know you're gonna email. It's okay. Oh, they're happy. They're my besties. If they, if people understood like. Like their excitement when they see me. Yeah. And this like how they always come running to me and yeah. It's just So you have such a special connection with you. I do. I know sometimes Logan gets a little jealous. Like, really? She does? Yeah. And I'm like, honey, do you not know that you have this incredibly special bond with your mom? Yeah. Well, and she also has an amazing relationship with you. I know. So like it kind of goes, I know. I don't know why, but she just. She gets in her feelings sometimes. Oh, I hate that. I know. So she, I think in turn, just snuggles more. Yeah. She just like wants to snuggle. But, actually it was so cute because I think about, I had Braxton and I truly for a while thought that I would only have one kid. Mm-hmm. But watching my kids love my kids is probably the best thing about parenting. And it's something that I didn't think that I needed in my life, but watching Logan be a big sister. Mm-hmm. It is a dynamic that no mom can ever fill. That big sister role is so unique. Mm-hmm. They will never have that with me. They'll never have that with you. But they have that with their big sister. Yeah. And watching her love them is like the best thing. Yeah. That I, because they kind of get best of both worlds. Like they get that best friend, big best friend. And like nurturing mother. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So just watching my kids love my kids is probably hands down. My favorite thing about being a parent. Yeah. And I'm just really grateful that we can all get to do it together. Totally. Being emo right? I be removing that part, but I want my period. Don't remove it. Don't do it. Well. I really feel like I could be better about connecting with my family and friends. I don't really have friends, but my family, I could be better about it. I think we've all really expressed that like our day to day is so busy. Yeah. But then the years fly by. It's like that saying where your days are long and the years are short, and That's so true. Yeah. I wanna be better about trying to be more present with others, but I would encourage other people who are maybe feeling that way about our dynamic to like lean into those feelings and maybe involve yourself in our life too, a little bit, maybe, you know? Yeah. It's a two way street, so let's try to. Make a plan to move forward together. Yeah. Because no relationship can get better. One sided. Yeah. And I know my mom definitely, she's made many mentions that I don't make enough time, and I definitely have that guilt, you know, set aside. But she had my brother very late in life. Yeah. My brother's only two years older than Parker and so he's actively involved in all of his day-to-day, activities. Yeah. And so that kind of also has helped my mom back from being that grandparent that we talk about. Yeah. And like what my grandma was like. Yeah. 'cause she's in the thick of parenting. Yeah, exactly. And so the time spent, like it's just. Yeah, same thing. She's bouncing a lot. Yeah. And we're bouncing a lot and so inevitably, yeah. I would like to do better. I, I, it's not that I don't feel guilty about it, it's just like, where do we find the time? Yeah. So it just sucks and it priorities, it is just, it's. It's hard. Yeah. I don't even know how to put it into words. It's just hard. Yeah. I think we're in survival mode sometimes. Yeah. Especially when we just keep adding to our plate and we are continuing to keep adding to our plates. Yeah. So when is it gonna be full? Because I thought it was full like three obligations ago. I have a very unhealthy relationship when it comes to work, and I know that we've talked about that before. I am constantly in this mindset of like, I need to make more money. Mm-hmm. And I think it's because my hopes and dreams of retiring at a reasonable age so that I can travel, and then also. My hope to be able to travel and like wherever the kids may go. Mm-hmm. Or Parker with baseball, if he's traveling, I wanna be able to go to those places. Yeah. So I'm like, okay, if I make X, Y, and Z, maybe that'll be enough. And then like I'll get to that point, oh, I need to make X, Y, and Z more. Mm-hmm. Because this world that we live in is excessive Yeah. As shit. And it just keeps getting worse. I know. The goal Coast just keeps getting pushed further and further out, literally. I just did my retirement. I looked at my retirement last week, actually in the middle of a work meeting, and my boss called on care, but she was like, Hey, you got these numbers up. I was like, oh. It was just me realizing that I needed to have made like a hundred grand more by the age of 40, and I projected to make. Significantly less. I was like, so I'm gonna retire when I'm like 75. It's fine. Now I'm spiraling. Crashing out. Yeah. That what we would say. So that's sad. Yeah. I haven't even looked at my retirement portfolio. Don't. It's gonna depress you. Oh, I don't want to. I cry though. Do you wanna start an only. We can definitely make money there. Is this her like way of like intro brown chicken break? Oh no. I'm just kidding. Well, I mean, Erin kidding. So I told you the other day Erin was like actively entertaining me doing feet pick stuff. What? Because he ain't got no tattoos foot on my feet. I know. See, I, yeah, but I know they not, we're we're, we're going down aper conversation. We should just exit. Blended AF is an independent podcast hosted by Brianna and Kara, and produced by Brianna. We are not family counselors or licensed professionals. We're just real people sharing our real experiences, the wins, the mistakes, and everything in between. Nothing shared here is meant to replace professional advice. It's simply our story told honestly. Thanks for being here, and we'll catch you in the next episode. Bye bye.