Blended AF - Episode 5 - Why We Fight for Co-Parenting (Even When it's Hard)

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Transcript

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Welcome to blended af, the podcast where real co-parenting meets real life. Hosted by Kara and Brianna, were having honest conversations about blended families growth and navigating it all together. Okay. Mic check. One, two. You ready? Yeah. Okay. Well, I have Aaron here with me this week. We're gonna talk about things from your perspective. I guess the burning question everybody wants to know is, how do you feel about Kara and i's relationship? At the beginning of your guys' relationship? I wondered how authentic it was, on both sides. Yours and hers, did it make you nervous? No, it didn't make me nervous because I didn't really have anything to hide. I just hoped that it was genuine from both sides. Because I didn't want the drama. Yeah. Of there's been some drama. Oh, there's been some drama, but not terrible drama. Was there ever a time where you were like, oh shit, this isn't gonna end well. A couple times. And you sent the infamous text messages. Oh, the text messages. I was like, oh, fuck yeah. You weren't a helpful person in that situation for me at all. I was like, honey, and you were like, mm, well, sucks to suck. It sucks to suck. You did it. What am I supposed to do? I don't know. It was funny to me. I was looking towards you to like save me and you're like, peace out girl Scout. Done fucked up today. So I was left in my mess to clean up. I cleaned it up though. No, but I think it works out. Better because you guys have a good relationship. A hundred percent. Can you imagine your life if we hated each other, if her and I didn't get along? No, it would be terrible. It would be terrible. Yeah. It would suck for mean, it would suck for the kids. It would suck for the kids because they get to, in my opinion, like the kids benefit really the most from you guys getting along. Mm-hmm. I mean, it also makes it really easy for me because as everyone knows, Kara and I get in each other's throats sometimes. So it's easier if like her and I aren't getting along for this short of amount of time because either I said something to piss her off or she said something to piss me off. It's, we can still effectively come co-parent because you guys get along. Mm-hmm. So I am kind of the buffer. Yeah. Yeah. I've always been in that position here. Yeah. Yeah. And I tell everybody, you are the glue that kind of holds this all together. Yeah. And you always have been even from the beginning. Yeah. You know, that's a lot of pressure on me. Right. Yeah. It causes a lot of anxiety. I know. I lay down with you at night. We have those conversations. Yeah. Not that I would change anything or want anything different, but Yeah. You know, it is a burden that I hold in my heart. Not that it's a burden, but it causes me like anxiety. Yeah. Like when we were in Arizona, I, I felt like I was kind of like, neither you or Kara were doing anything wrong, but I was like so hyper aware that I wanted to like, mitigate any issues before they were to arise. Yeah. And so I was like constantly on the defense and you and I kind of had a few little arguments because of that. You're like, you're, you're stressed out and you're snapping at everybody. And I'm, in my mind, I'm trying to like, the world is gonna blow up if I don't do what I'm doing. Yeah. But there wasn't, there was no fire. There was no fire. You were trying to put out a fire that wasn't there. And you do that a lot. Yeah, I do. And there's no reason for it. It's 'cause I hold this family really near and dear to my heart. And I feel like I don't want, I mean, obviously I don't want it to fail, so it's like all on my shoulders sometimes it feels like that. Yeah. So you have a lot of kids. Yeah. Yeah. This whole family kind of exists because you have so many kids. This is true. This is true. Yeah. So, how do you feel like your childhood set you up or didn't set you up as a parent? Um, I think my childhood shaped who I wanted to be. The parent. Because I seen both what I didn't want to be and what I wanted to be, but better. Mm-hmm. That's a tough question. Yeah. Do you ever feel like you, like slip into certain behaviors that you grew up thinking or knowing that you did not want to be as a parent? No, I, I don't think I do. I mean, there's certain situations to where like I'm like, oh, I can't parent like that, or That's not how I want to parent. But like you've caught yourself kind of in the moment of that. Yeah. Or you've brought it up. Yeah. You know, yeah. You were raised mostly by a single dad, a young teenage single dad. Yeah. My dad was really young and he stepped up when a lot of teenagers wouldn't. Yeah. I have a lot of respect for him for that. I do too. Yeah. I've always had a lot of respect for my dad because of him stepping up and raising me the way he did. Mm-hmm. Not a lot of 17-year-old high school kids would do that. Yeah. Not saying. I had the best childhood or whatever, but yeah, he did the best he could. Yeah. With what he had and mm-hmm. I bet the communication levels of a bachelor dad and a teenage boy was fun. Well, as you know, it's, my dad doesn't communicate well and I also don't communicate well. So there you have it folks straight from the horse's mouth. I've gotten a lot better. Brianna has, I helped me communicate 10 times better than I ever have in my whole life. Yeah. Which is why I think we have a pretty good relationship. At the end of the day, communication is the foundation of a relationship. So if you can't effectively communicate, then you're never gonna be speaking the same language. No, and I think that I translate Aaron Bird very well. You translate me better than most people do. Some would say that you're an asshole. Do you agree with that? I don't agree with that. I think most people can't read what I say and what I actually mean. Whose responsibility is it to, like, is it the speaker's responsibility to convey their message in a way in which they hope to be translated to, or is it the listener who is supposed to decipher what you're really saying? Well, when I say something, I can't really control what people hear. You don't really care what they hear, do you? No. I really don't care what they hear. You don't. But everything I say is in good faith. Like I want the best for everybody, but sometimes I don't know how to say it. Yeah. To where people understand it. Yeah. Also, I'm really nervous for some reason I told you, you get in front of the microphone, there's not even a camera. No. It's really weird how I can like see your lips moving and I can hear you, but I can't hear you. Yeah, yeah. It's like we're on the phone. Yeah. You wanna close your eyes? Yeah. I think that might be better. Actually, I'm picking up my fingernails now. I understand when you and Kara are like, I picked off my nails. Yeah. Uhhuh. Yeah. It's ridiculous. So, well, our dynamic is really unique and we've all kind of touched on. Like how it's made our lives better and our kids' lives better. Has there ever been a time where you feel like our family is like too much, like too much as in, too stressful or, I don't know. Whatever too much means. I, I think our family's a lot for other people, but I don't know. I love our family. I, I think it's awesome that you and Kara are friends. I think it's awesome that we all get along and we can do things with the kids. We can go on vacations together. I think Nick is an awesome stepdad. Mm-hmm. He treats the kids well. Mm-hmm. I have a lot of respect for him for that. Yeah. He does a lot for this family. Yeah. Him and I are the same person. Yeah. So he, he does take care of everyone in this family. Mm-hmm. And I think that includes you in certain ways. Yeah. So how has that dynamic been for you? Like allowing, just as Kara had to allow me and to the kids' lives, and she had to support my role as a stepmom and a bonus mom and mom to her kids, or else this wouldn't work. So just as she had to do that with me. How was that process for you? Because we had talked about before there was another person in the picture who made it extremely difficult. Yeah. I've never had an issue with Nick. Obviously you and Nick had known each other prior to Karen and Nick's relationship. Mm-hmm. I knew Nick's younger brother quite well. Mm-hmm. So before I even met him, I was able to learn a little bit about him. And then when I did meet him, he's a good dude. Mm-hmm. Him and I have never really had any problems. Yeah. And so I think that helps. I have a lot of respect for him, obviously. Mm-hmm. It takes a lot to step into not only being a stepdad, but also accepting our family. Yeah. You Braxton and then a couple years later, the twins. Mm-hmm. Yeah. But even more than that, there's my mom and your parents and Nick's family and Kara's family and all of that too. So like Christmases. There's a lot of different people. Yeah. Christmases very eventful. Yeah. Our past few Christmases have been we've been kind of trying to figure out what works best for us. Mm-hmm. Um, I agree with you and Kara and I don't know how Nick feels about it, but we hadn't really talked about it or he didn't speak about it 'cause he wasn't on that episode of the podcast. But I really enjoyed this Christmas. It was probably the best Christmas that I've had in a long time. 'cause we didn't really have to be without the kids at all, like any of the kids. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Our three kids that live here, a hundred percent didn't have to be without anything. And then Parker and Logan obviously went with them. In the morning right after we opened presents and stuff here. Mm-hmm. And then when they were done doing their stuff with their extended family, we went over to Tara's house. Mm-hmm. And we spent all afternoon and all night. Mm-hmm. That was awesome. Yeah. Playing games and the food. The food, the food was amazing because Nick and I can cook. Do you wanna talk more about your childhood? Mm-hmm. Yes and no, I seen a lot of what I didn't want to be. Mm-hmm. And then kind of what I did want to be, like I said, and I don't know for me that that helped whenever you came into the picture and you and Kara got along and it was just like, oh, cool. Like we can make this work. Yeah. But in the beginning, did you ever think that it would be what it is today? Um, no. Not really. Why? Um, I don't know. I just, well, it's not the norm for a lot of people. No. It's not the norm. And I had never seen or heard of ex-wife, current wife, bonus mom, bio mom. Becoming really good friends. Yeah. So honestly at the beginning it was a little weird. Mm-hmm. Just 'cause I had never seen it. I had never experienced it. Yeah. Same with me when I grew up, it was like every other weekend, one day a week. Like everything was very separate. It wasn't at all, it wasn't a blended family for sure. It was parallel parenting probably at best. And well, and like for me growing up, like most of my friends' parents were still married. Yeah. I didn't know very many people that had separated parents. And if I did, they definitely didn't get along with. The other parent. Yeah. It was either mom's weekend or dad's weekend. There was no getting along or we're gonna do things together. Mm-hmm. But I think the way they, we put the kids first because, I mean, we say it all the time, like they didn't ask to be put on this planet. We put them on this planet. Yeah. Let's not give them the bullshit trauma that we have as adults. Mm-hmm. From our childhood. Let's not give that to our kids. Yeah. What's keep our kids is, I guess you could say innocent. As As innocent. Yeah. We can't protect 'em from everything, but we can make their home a sanctuary, which it should be. And that includes both of their homes. Because even if Kara's home isn't ours, it's still two of our kids's homes 50% of the time. Yeah. So whatever translates between those two homes, they're bouncing in and out of that. And so we can control that. We can't control everything else. Mm-hmm. But we can control that. And I think that we all are on the same page of that too. It's like, I don't know if this would work if one of us was like actively or secretly or any kind of way pushing against that. I don't think it would work. No, I don't think so at all. Like when I came into the picture, my only real understanding of a step kid or a step family or whatever, like I had a stepsister and she packed a bag to come to her dad's, which is where I lived full time with my mom. And so. That's the only thing. That's all I knew. Yeah. And Parker and Logan, they don't, they've never packed a bag to go between houses. Yeah. And for me, like I, I grew up with a bunch of half siblings. Mm-hmm. None of us had the same dad. Mm-hmm. And so when I would go to my mom's house very rarely. Mm-hmm. It was just kind of weird. Like, I don't know, my stepdad treated me well. Never, never any problems there. He always treated me with kindness and treated me like I was his kid. Mm-hmm. But I never felt like I could quote, unquote love him. Yeah. So was that out of loyalty to your dad? Yeah, I think so. Yeah. It was a different, I think so it was a different dynamic for sure. Oh, a hundred percent. And then when I was with my dad. I was an only child. Yeah. You know, so there's, it's a complete different, yeah. Do you feel like you were kind of two versions of yourself? One at your mom's, which was this one version of you and one at your dad's, which was another version? Um, no. No. I, I don't think so. I think I was always the same version of myself. Uh, you've always kind of been unapologetically you, you don't change for anybody. Fuck 'em. No. Yeah. You either like me or you don't like me. But I promise that it, I do everything with a good heart. Yeah. You may not think that by the way I say, and whatever comes to my mind or mm-hmm. I say whatever I think is the truth. Mm-hmm. A lot of people don't like that about me, but yeah. It's me. Yeah. I, like I said earlier, I kind of try to translate that. I can see through it. I know what you're trying to say. So do you ever feel guilty about having more kids? No, I don't feel guilty. It's hard because we didn't really expect to have two more kids. Yeah. So that was hard. It's taken a lot from us. Mm-hmm. Having twins is tough. Yeah. It was unexpected. It's a lot. Very, very unexpected. So sometimes the kids will guilt trip us and, you know, if we get donuts without them or if we Yeah. You know, do like, just normal everyday things. Does that ever cause you guilt as a dad? No, it doesn't cause me guilt. 'cause anytime it's ever brought up with Parker or Logan, like when they're with their mom and they come home and you know, Parker sees something in my car or Logan sees something on the counter and they're like, oh. And I'm like, you know, we only get you guys 50% of the time and our life doesn't stop whenever you go to your mom's. Yeah. And if we did stop our normal everyday life, it wouldn't be fair to Braxton, Madeline, and Nora. So we have to keep as much normalcy without them as we can mm-hmm. In, in, in the way of just living our life. Yeah. And then when they're home, we do the same thing. We, we just live our life. I mean, they just kind of. Bounce in and out, bounce in and out and Yeah. You know, yeah. They're, they're on the ride these three days a week or these five days a week, however, whatever time in the schedule it is. Mm-hmm. And we just run with it. Yeah. So I've had multiple conversations multiple times with Parker and Logan Yeah. About that. Like, our life doesn't pause just 'cause you go to your mom's. Yeah. Like, we still have to live our lives. We still have to get dinner and get desserts and Yeah. Sometimes we go shopping without them. Yeah. Yeah. That is what it is. But they do stuff with Kara and Nick that our kids don't get to do. Yeah. Yeah. So a hundred percent. So you adopted Braxton legally now, it's been almost two years. Mm-hmm. How did that feel? To me it was an awesome feeling. Mm-hmm. 'cause I've been raising him forever, so Yeah. You never, like, you started out as the, what did he call you? The hacker. The hacker. He used to call you the hacker, which I don't know why came in. And, because we were always, we were, we were always on FaceTime. Oh yeah, that's right. And so he called me the hacker. Yeah. For whatever reason. Yeah. He attached to you kind of quick. Yeah. Early on. The first time I came to your house, I had to parent him. And you had no hesitation. Mm-hmm. No. So you had just gotten off work jumping in the shower and I had just come over to your house. Yeah. And I had already met Braxton previously. Yeah. Yeah. And I was like, Hey, I'll be right outta the shower, but you know, just hold please. And so he asked you for something in the shower? I think it was a Popsicle. Yeah. It was a Popsicle. And you told him no because he had already had two. Yeah. And so I'm sitting on the couch and I hear this hum and I look back and he's hanging off the refrigerator, one foot on a counter, trying to open the freezer. And I'm like, Hey dude, your mom told you no. What are you doing? And he's three at this point. Yeah. And he's like. Don't get the Popsicle. And I was like, no, you're not. Your mom said no. I could hear her like, what? He was testing you? Yeah. And he looked at me like, who in the fuck are you? Yeah. 'cause he's Alpha, he's very much Alpha. Not no more, not no more. But he tries sometimes. He tries, sometimes he does. He's almost as big as me in house. I know. Yeah. You weren't really like a stepfather role to him. You, you kind of went from the boyfriend who wasn't really anything to him to kind of like into a dad role. Yeah. And he did cling to me pretty quick. And I think that was probably because of the absence mm-hmm. Of his bio. Mm-hmm. But I didn't have any problems with it. Um, he was, he's always been an awesome dude. Mm-hmm. Kind of a pain in my ass, but mm-hmm. He's in puberty now. He's an awesome kid. So I never, no, I never had any problems with that. What if, uh, bio Dad was in the picture? It definitely would've made things a little bit more difficult for me and like the role I wanted to play in his life. Mm-hmm. 'Cause he's the kind of kid that does need guidance from a father. Yeah. And if I wouldn't have been able to do that, I don't know if our relationship would've panned out. Mine and yours, or yours and his, uh, mine and his. Mm. I don't think he would've maybe respected me. Mm-hmm. As his dad. Mm-hmm. 'cause he's pretty, like you just said, he wants to be Alpha. So if I wasn't able to. Assert that dominance and show him who Alpha was then Mm-hmm. I don't think he would've accepted that. Mm-hmm. I think he would've pushed buttons and walked all over me if I wasn't able to stop it. Mm-hmm. Just, that's just his personality. Yeah. So the fact that bio wasn't around made my life and my job a little easier with him. Yeah, for sure. It also, I think, made our relationship a little bit easier. Yeah. We didn't, it's just another dynamic that you have to throw in the mix and that dynamic wasn't great. So, you know, just a layer of drums that we don't want. Yeah. So, some say you might have mommy issues, who's some you maybe and Kara maybe, and every other girlfriend I've had in the past. Hmm. But it must be true. How do you feel like, like you talked about how you respected your stepdad growing up mm-hmm. Because you felt like he was a good guy to you. Yeah. He was. I think you grew up missing your mom. Yeah. How does that show up in your adult life as you have now two mothers of your own children? Do you think that it plays a part? I don't think as much as it used to. I mean, because of just time, many, many, many conversations with you. Mm-hmm. I've done a lot of healing. Yeah. I guess you could say. Yeah. I don't know. It's always, I think it. It always has affected me and it probably always will. Yeah. But it also helps me in a way, because my kids don't have to deal with that. Yeah. So, so you're breaking gen, not just you, but we are breaking generational cur, like curses. Oh, a hundred percent. A hundred percent. And that's, I mean, that's the whole goal, right? Mm-hmm. Is for our kids to not deal with the same bullshit we did mm-hmm. In our adolescent years. Yeah. So our blended family is, is healing generational curses, whether people from the outside see that or not. It is. Yeah. I agree with that. Yeah. So Kara told me one time that she felt like. I got the version of you that she always wished for when you guys were married. Has she ever told you that? Not that I recall. How does it feel hearing that, when you were just talking about you've done a lot of growth in, in healing? Um, I think it's, I think the version of someone that shows up depends on the version their significant other can bring out. Yeah. When Kara and I were together, we were young, we got together young. Mm-hmm. We went through a lot of young things together. Yeah. Your party phase and you had party fun friend phase. Yeah. Fun friend phase partying. Doing dangerous stuff. Mm-hmm. Doing illegal stuff. I plead the fifth. And like for you, when you came into my life, I, I don't know. I was tired of just doing the same old shit. Mm-hmm. And you were very mature for your age. 'cause I'm younger than you. Yeah, you are. You were at my age cutoff. I know. Yeah. I was 24 when we got together. Yeah. And you were old. Yep. 24 was my dating age cutoff. I would not date a girl younger than 24. What if I was 23? Almost 24? I would not have whatever, I mean, smash and pass. Okay. Anyways, okay. So I was mature. You were mature. You kind of had your stuff together. Mm-hmm. As much as any young single mom can. Yes. Yeah. Okay. You were doing a great job for a 24-year-old single mother. Thank you. You worked your butt off. I seen you had a great work ethic. Mm-hmm. You were a great mom. Stressed out to the highest mountaintop, but nothing's changed. I don't know. So like the version of me that you get is the version you pull out of me. Yeah. So I think that's kind of how I look at it anyways. I've also done a lot of growing, you know. Not vertically though. No. Fuck you. I think she would agree though, like you guys were two totally different people back then our relationship was everything. You would think of a relationship that starts out as teenagers and goes through the early twenties. Mm-hmm. Um, we were good friends and everyone that had ever been around our relationship would say that we were toxic as fuck. Yeah. And, and that's about the all there is to it. How did that show up in your parenting while still together? I've never really thought about that. I feel like we've both really been good parents, like the best parents we could be. Mm-hmm. Throughout the stages of our lives. Obviously we both, you know, through our divorce, didn't show up as our best selves. Yeah. But I think we've healed from that and Yeah. You have. Yeah. I don't know. What would you say to yourself, Aaron, now to, in the middle of a divorce, Aaron? Oh fuck. Like what's, what's your biggest piece of advice that you would give yourself? It'll all be okay. Yeah, it is. Okay. Would you have changed anything if you could have gone back. As far as what? Anything I, I, yes, I would, I would change a lot. I would change how I handled certain situations, my behavior mm-hmm. At certain times. Yeah. When I hear stories about that time, I have this weird, like, I have no idea. This person that they're talking about. Yeah. Couldn't possibly be my husband. So, I know we've talked about this before, but like I never wanted my kids to have the childhood trauma that I had, so I thought that meant mom and dad together. Yeah. So whenever her and I split to me like I fucked up. Yeah. It was a failure. We fucked up. We failed miserably. Mm-hmm. Now these two kids. Are just gonna be doomed. Mm-hmm. You thought it was just signs still delivered, same destination as you. Yeah. Yeah. And where I came from, what I seen growing up, it it, that was a true, that that's what I thought to be true. Mm-hmm. And so when her and I separated, that's what I thought. Mm-hmm. So you held a lot of guilt? I did, yeah. For the failed relationship. Yeah. I did. Yeah. But more for my kids Yeah. Than for our relationship. Like, I wanted my kids to have what I seen other kids have that had mom and dad together their entire lives. Mm-hmm. But that doesn't necessarily stand true. Yeah. Do you feel like you held on to the relationship to the marriage longer than you probably should have? Yeah, absolutely. Because of that reason? Yeah, absolutely. Because I was hopeful that. We could mend what we had both messed up to have this quote unquote picture perfect family. Mm-hmm. Where mom and dad are together. Mm-hmm. Kids grow up. But that's not true because our kids have 100% and I know this to be a fact, a better life now than they would've ever had had her and I stayed together. Yeah. But you in your mind went worst case scenario. Yeah, a hundred percent In that moment. Yeah. You were like, oh, okay. They're gonna grow up exactly the same way as I did. They're gonna have the exact same childhood traumas and then they're gonna grow up and they're gonna get divorced and then they're gonna pass it on to their kids. Yeah. You were like spiraling. Mm-hmm. In your own brain. Yeah. Do you feel like you do that often spiral into the worst case scenario? Oh, a hundred percent. How do you deal with that? 10 times outta 10? How do you, that's why I have such high anxiety. Fuck. How does that show up in your parenting? I, I don't know. I just wanna see my kids succeed. Yeah. But what does that look like? What does success in your eyes? I don't know, just being a good human, having good morals. Okay. Having a successful career or, you know, business or whatever they choose to do. Just, just to be successful. Mm-hmm. If, if they want to be an artist. I hope that they're a successful artist. If, if they want to be an engineer or a scientist or a school teacher. I just want them to be successful. I don't want them to have to go the hard route. Mm-hmm. And I feel like I've had a hard route. Yeah. We have a big job as parents because we have to set them up for that success in their adulthood. Mm-hmm. But if we enable them now, then they're gonna grow up not getting, there probably is a higher rate that they won't be successful. Yeah. I feel like we're pretty hard on our kids, to be successful in different ways, whether that's being successful in. Cleaning their room or sports or school. Mm-hmm. I feel like we're pretty hard on our kids, but at the same time, I also feel like we give our kids a ton of slack. Yeah. They probably wouldn't agree, but we do. I think we do. Do you feel like there's any like standard differences, expectations? That sort of depends on their behavior. And we've talked about that. If you do the things you get away with a little bit more. Yeah. If you build the trust by doing the things, you know mm-hmm. You get a little extra slack. Yeah. And that's, that's how life works. Yeah. It does. So you adopted Braxton, legally he is yours? Yes. Still sometimes in my mind or in my heart, I have this little bit of like mama bear protection over him. Mm-hmm. And I try to, you know, kind of swoop in, I guess. I'm like hypervigilant on. I see it on things like that. I see it and we've talked about it and Braxton also sees it. Mm-hmm. 'Cause he's able to finagle his way into what he wants sometimes because he sees it. Mm-hmm. But I don't, I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I just think he's your baby boy and you're protective of him. Yeah. I think it would be different if he was biologically yours, you think? I think so. In which way? I don't know. I think. It would be like I would, again, going back to the beginning of this episode is I'm trying to be a buffer between all of these relationships so that they don't blow up. Yeah. And so I feel like I'm in the kind of, in that dynamic between you and him, even though you both have a really good relationship. It's just like this subconscious thing that I think a lot of I think it's not uncommon No. For people and for families. I think it's mama bear. 'cause Kara does the same shit to Parker and we've, her and I have had multiple conversations and multiple arguments and blowouts of, you know, about what? Like you being too hard on him. Yeah. Just me being too hard on him. Which I think she would think that you are too soft on him. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think so. I don't know. Maybe now I that he's a teenager. Yeah. You know, you've definitely, I feel like you have relaxed on Parker so much in the last year of him like being in high school and you know, he's like a busy teenager. Yeah, he's 15 now. Yeah. He's almost driving up by himself. Yeah. So I definitely feel like most parents would like double down. And you're almost like fly than this buddy. No, I just want him to experience like high school and have some freedoms. You know? I, I probably had too much freedom in high school. Yeah, me too. Dad. If you're listening. I, I never said that. You ain't nothing you can do about it now. No. Yeah. I feel like I had a little bit too much freedom. I mean, I had rules, but being raised by a single dad mm-hmm. You probably do get a little bit more freedom. Yeah. Just because logistics, you only have, I mean, your dad worked a lot Yeah. As most single parents have to. Yeah. And he only had one set of eyes. Yeah. Our kids have four parents. Mm-hmm. So how do you think that is different? Ooh. For our kids? Yeah. Like they, they don't, they don't get away with shit. They don't get away with nothing. They don't get away with nothing. And I think they hate that right now. I think so. But I don't think they'll hate it when they're adults. Yeah. 'cause they, I mean, they can't play both sides because we have such a good relationship with Karen, Nick. Mm-hmm. And we talk mm-hmm. Daily, multiple times a day. Yeah. Multiple times a day if something goes on or. You know, whatever happens, we all know about it. Yeah. Unless it's a schedule, like a, a sports schedule. And then, because nobody knows, nobody knows anything. And Parker's tried that, you know, just because of his age. He's at that age where, you know, you kind of start testing things, but, sometimes I feel like a tattletale when I'm like, you know, I'm like, this happened in my house, so I'm really, I wanna let Kara know about it. Yeah. But I'm like, god dammit, I feel like a tattletale. Yeah. But it's just like you are, you kind of are a tattletale. Am I? Yeah. In what way? Your mom said you were a tattletale when you were a kid too. Was I? Yeah. When did she tell you that? I don't know. It was a long time ago. She said you were a tattletale. Thanks. Mom. And that drives me crazy in our kids. And I nipped that shit in the butt. Mm-hmm. Don't be, it drives you crazy because you were a tattletale. So how, like, tell me more. How was I, how am I a tattletale? I don't know. Like if Braxton does something, you tell me, like even if you handle it, that's called communication. Well, yeah, but like, like, okay. We've got to the root of the problem is you think communication is tattle tailing. Yeah. It's 'cause you had three sisters. Three I had two. Two sisters. I guess you well, I mean, sorry, Austin when he was a kid. Yeah, he was a third sister. Well, what else do I tattletale on? I wanna know. I don't know. Is it 'cause I talked to Kara. See you do have an issue with me talking to Kara? No I don't. No. It's just when the kids do stuff, you're like, ah, I'm gonna tell dad or I'm gonna tell your mom. So what do they do that you don't tell me? Because if you think that communication is title telling now I wanna know. Oh, I don't know. Well you need to tell me more things. I tell you everything. No you don't. No you don't. Clearly you do not. Has there ever been anything that I've told Kara that you were like, why did you do that? No, I really don't. I don't mind what, whatever you guys talk about. That's whatever you guys talk about. Like what about when we talk about our sex life? That is what it's, that's if you guys are comfortable talking about our sex life, then by all means it doesn't make you a little bit uncomfortable. No. Why would it? I don't know. 'cause I think most people would be like. Uncomfortable by that. No. I'm telling you, most people are uncomfortable by that. Most people about Kara and I, people cannot get over it. Most of those people used to sleep with their friends as boyfriends and swap girlfriends, and they're just too yuppie to, to admit it. Speaking of, that's been something that has been asked, what is, if we like all swap? No, absolutely not. That's disgusting. I'm way too jealous for that shit. You are. But it's been asked, so I I just wanted to clear it up. No, I've been asked that. That's the biggest question I get from people probably when I talk about our co-parenting relationship is like, do you guys, are you guys swingers? And I'm like, that's a fucking, literally not, no, there's ze. No uhuh not gonna happen. Not with strangers, not with exes. Mm-hmm. We're messy, but we're not that messy. Mm-hmm. Nope, that's not my style. So I think people don't understand us, and so they want to put us in a box. They're like, oh, obviously they're all sleeping together. Duh. That's how it works. When obviously they just can't work on their shit. No. They just, I don't know. Like the reason people can't co-parent, in my personal opinion, is because they have this ego back to the egos of whatever it may be. I, I don't know. Mm-hmm. I, I've never been, been able to truly figure it out. Yeah. But it's just an ego. Yeah. Like you have to put it away. Yeah. 'cause your kids don't care about your egos. You're actively hurting them. Mm-hmm. So put the ego away. Yeah. And like the whole goal is to, to raise your kids to be the best adults that you can raise them to be. Yeah. And I think that those people really do want that for their kids. Like, I'm not saying that they don't want that, because I would say 10 outta 10 times they do, I wouldn't say 10 outta 10 because there's a lot of selfish people. Um, okay. Nine outta 10. There's a lot of selfish people that don't put their kids first, you know, that are too busy living their life and their kid is just tagging along. I grew up that way. Yeah. I, I did not, my dad did absolutely anything and everything he could, you know, to make my childhood the best it could. That still didn't change the fact that he was a teenage single dad. Yeah. And we struggled. Yeah. We were poor. Mm-hmm. Did without. Mm-hmm. I had a lot, but we did without also Yeah. just because I mean that, that's, yeah. I could not imagine raising a kid by myself. How ungodly expensive it was. I mean, I remember my dad working two or three jobs sometimes. Mm-hmm. You know, just to keep the lights on, yeah. So we could have warm water to shower and the kids. So Yeah. Like, yeah. I grew up, I mean, my mom, I know my mom loved me, but my mom was a very selfish mom in a lot of ways. And so now me as an adult and me as a parent, i'm hyperly unselfish as a mom. Yeah. So I struggle to like, do anything for myself. Yeah. I, I don't know. As, as a child and as an adult, I think kids that prioritize their kids are typically gonna be your parents that, that put their kids in athletics. Mm-hmm. Because athletics takes so much time and money. Mm-hmm. And it's a commitment for the whole family. It, it really is. And to do that, you really can't have hobbies. Mm-hmm. Or, you know, go do this or go do that. Like mm-hmm. Like, we don't, as parents, like we don't really have hobbies. No, we did when our kids were younger, but as they've gotten older and they've started getting more into sports and stuff. Yeah. Like, there's no way that we could put ourselves. First, like we have to put our kids first mm-hmm. To do that. If we didn't, you know, we could be the parents that have a lake house and a boat and mm-hmm. Do this and do that, and Yeah. Have all these hobbies and, but then our kids are just there for the ride. Mm-hmm. You know, they're, we're living our life and they're just tagging along to it. Yeah. Which I'm not saying is like wrong 'cause I know a lot of people who do that, but we've decided to parent a different way. Yeah. We've decided to, like, this is the start of our kids' lives and we're kind of on their journey with them. Yeah. I don't know, it's just a different perspective. Yeah. And if we had a lake house, we would never be able to use it because baseball season's in the summer, that's very true. Maybe one day. But, but I literally know people that, won't put their kids in certain things because they have. Things they want to do. Yeah. And to me that's just selfish. Yeah. Like, it's, it's a different form of selfishness. Yeah. Again, you put these kids on this planet, you know? Mm-hmm. You should do everything you can to, to make them enjoy their life. Even if that means putting your life on hold for a minimum of 18 years. Yeah. You know? And when you have five like us, I know it's a lot of years. I know. So I find myself because I am so like hyper aware of not wanting to put my needs before anybody else's needs or anything like that. I find myself, like this morning on a Saturday, I got up at 5:00 AM so that I could go to the gym Yeah. Before I came home at eight to get everything ready to go to basketball. Mm-hmm. So do you ever feel like, like if my schedule. Kind of bumps into like family obligation schedule. Do you ever feel annoyed by that? No, not at all. I don't think I've ever felt annoyed by any, anything like that. Like I've told you all the time, Hey, go do this, go do that. Like, it's not going to affect me, um, in any way. It's not gonna affect our kids anyway, as long as you're home and time to make it to whatever it is we have going on. I don't care. Sometimes that means that you get up and go to the gym early and you're home by the time we need to leave for the game or Yeah, the games or cheerleading or, yeah, because not only do I not want to like bump into family obligations, timeframe wise, but like I know where you stand on that too. And so not only like is that voice in the back of my mind telling me that I shouldn't be doing this. I shouldn't be taking time for myself, but I'm also like, oh, I already know how Aaron feels too. And he feels the exact same way. So now I'm definitely not gonna put myself first in any way, shape, or form. How do you feel like that mindset is counterintuitive to being a happy, healthy parent? Yeah. Sometimes I don't necessarily understand why you won't put yourself first. Because we can survive, we can do the things. It goes back to the way that I feel about my position in this family. Yeah. But I don't necessarily know why you feel like that sometimes. Because I think we all try to do our best to like show you like, hey, I'm saying it's a me problem. I I know it's a you problem, it's a you problem. You know how you didn't want your marriage to fail and like your family to fail in your eyes. Mm-hmm. If this family failed, I would take it more personally than anybody would ever know. I don't want that to happen. It's not gonna happen. It could happen. It could happen. But it's not gonna happen. I'll see you at baseball. Yeah. Oh fuck. I mean, it could happen, but I don't think it will happen. I think with, everything we've built up into this point over the past eight years, we have a pretty solid foundation. And even if the building started to lean a little bit, we could fix it. Yeah. And the foundation's pretty strong, we communicate well even when, you know, Karen and Nick aren't communicating well, or you and I aren't communicating well, like we always figure it out. Yeah. Do you think that like spousal issues within each of our respective marriages affect how we all co-parent as adults? Like, if you and I are fighting, do you feel like that affects things or if as a whole it's just like in our household? 'cause I don't like, as a whole, no, I don't, I don't think so. I think, I mean, throughout Nick and Kara's relationship that they've had issues, throughout our relationship, we've had issues. And I honestly think like you and Kara having a good relationship and all of us having a good relationship together has actually kind of helped that. Mm-hmm. So if Kara and I were fighting, that would be felt not necessarily to the kids, I don't think. For Nick and I, yes, yes, it would be felt. Hmm. But I don't necessarily think for the kids. You don't think so? No. I think we do a good job of keeping. Adult business. Adult business and kid business. Kid business. Yeah. I think we do a really good job at that. Like Parker's getting a little bit older now and like he wants to ask questions sometimes He does. Yeah, he does. And we're just like, this is an adult conversation. Yeah. He tries to butt into certain little things. He loves drama. Mm-hmm. He doesn't wanna be in the drama, but he wants to know about the drama. I'm the same way. I know everybody's everything. Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Okay. So whenever the kids are old and grown and they're adults and they're off doing their own lives, do you think Kara. You and I will still be close as four of us. I think so. Because we're gonna be grandparents together at that point. That's true. Like, do you think we're gonna fight over that? No. I think it'll be actually pretty awesome to have more grandparents. 'cause then like if we want to do something mm-hmm. Kick 'em over there. Yeah. Kick the grandkids over there and, yeah. I don't know., I think it might work. Unfortunately our kids don't have super present grandparents right now. Yeah. How do you feel like that impacts the childhood that you hope for them? Oof. That's a tough one because I feel like I. I feel like our generation mm-hmm. Speaking like us. Yeah. When we were kids. Yeah. When we were kids, I feel like we had the best grandparents, Yeah. And cousins were like siblings and everyone, everyone I talked to our age is just like, we were all so close with our grandparents, everybody. Mm-hmm. All of my friends growing up, their grandparents, were everything. Yeah. You know? And I don't feel like our kids, this generation has that. Yeah. For whatever reason. I don't know if it's because of age. I feel like our grandparents were a lot older, um, than, than our kids grandparents now. Mm-hmm. Like, we're having kids younger and younger and younger. Yeah. We're having kids younger and younger I feel like. So maybe that's it. But I feel like our generation growing up, grandparents they played more of a role in the family. Mm-hmm. Like an active role. Yeah. Like an active role, like, yeah. Everyone I, I've ever talked to, like our age or grown up around. Yeah. Like their grandparents played an active role. When I used to go to friends' house, I knew their grandparents because not only would I go to my friend's house, then we would go to their grandparents and hang out. Yeah. Or like when they would come to my house, we would go to my grandma's house, mm-hmm. Yeah. It was different. So you, and probably a lot of people had this expectation that that's what your kids' lives would look like too. Yeah, absolutely. Their cousins would be like siblings. Mm-hmm. Their grandparents would be like second parents. Yeah. And we just don't have, like, our generation doesn't have that, and I think that's kind of sad. Yeah. Because that was a very instrumental part of my life. Yeah. And I know it was your life. You've talked about it Yeah. Multiple times. Yeah. There's a different level of advice and wisdom and lessons that you learn. From different generations. Mm-hmm. So when you don't get that, I feel like you're almost missing out. Mm-hmm. There's so much that can be passed down from grandparents, but that's not necessarily something that I am as an active mother right now, actively parenting. Those aren't gonna be lessons that I'm teaching like a grandma would because I'm in the thick of parenting. Yeah. And that's my job right now. Yeah. Is parenting. So do you feel like our kids are missing out? Yeah. I would say I, I honestly feel like they are missing out for, compared to what we had Yeah. Growing up. Yes. I feel like they're missing out on that part of childhood. Which I don't know if it's just a generational thing because it, it seems to be pretty common throughout. Yeah. Not, not just our family, but it, it just our generation. Mm-hmm. For whatever reason, just kind of seems to be that way. Yeah. So in my eyes though, like when we're grandparents, I want it to be that way. Yeah. And I think that's why we were so hard on, having such a close family and treating each other with kindness and respect. Like, we're always on our kids. Mm-hmm. About, we don't accept, the bickering and the fighting and the bullying and the, we make our kids deal with their shit with each other. Yeah. They, we do. And that's the exact way I want it because almost every single one of their shows that I see them watching. The siblings hate each other. Mm-hmm. They fight. They literally say they hate each other. And that's the number other, other than full house. Other than full house. We let our kids watch Full House because that's the most accurate representation of family. Yeah. For us. Yeah, it is. I mean, they're a big blended family also. Yeah. And they make it work. And I think that's why our kids like that show so much because it's not just, it's cookie cutter. Like it's not a nuclear family. It's not a mom, a dad, and a brother and a sister. No. It's, yeah, it's this big extended beautiful family that works and the kids are so happy and they get just so much love and guidance and support. Mm-hmm. From so many different people who love them. Yeah. And they benefit from that hugely. And I do agree with you, like you said this the other day when the twins were watching Full House and you were like talking about this aspect of it. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And it's so true. And like that's, that's another thing that's, I've always found weird. When people are like, oh my God, your guys' family dynamic is so weird. Were you a fan of Full House growing up? True. Yeah, because you loved that show. Mm-hmm. Guess what that show was? A blended family. Yeah. Maybe not the same. Not in the same way, same way as ours. But you've said this multiple times, to Kara, to Nick, to me, um, I've heard you say it to other people, like the goal is for your kids to be loved. Right. And feel loved. So the more people that love them, the better. And that doesn't, that doesn't mean we're advocating for divorce or Yeah. Other people to be blended and Yeah. This and that. But if you can be, then that's better for the kids. Yeah. And, and then the, that's the whole goal. Yeah. You know, and that was one of the earlier conversations that I had with Kara, and, I mean, I don't wanna say like trying to convince her that this would work, but kind of, I guess I was kind of convinced that it was like, you know, here's my case. Here's what I, I have this vision of it. And I know it can work. Yeah. I just need you to like me. Yeah. Just like me. And I, I remember you at one point, I don't know, it was early on, and I know you and Kara have talked on a previous episode about this gang rink, and when you guys kind of mm-hmm. Came together and we're like, okay, let's do this. Yeah. But I remember like early on in our relationship, I don't know if you remembered or not, but Kara and I were fighting, like we were, I mean, just at each other's throats, and you were like, what in the fuck are you guys doing? Mm-hmm. Why? I don't, you're al you're already divorced. Why Yeah. Come together for the kids. It's about the kids. What are you guys doing? Mm-hmm. And then shortly after that is when you and her kind of started your path Yeah. To where you're at now and. I don't know. That's always meant a lot to me, and I've told multiple people, that I've talked to, like, how does this work? And I It's because of you. Yeah. Well, first of all, I love Parker and Logan from very early on. I, I am a mother, so it doesn't matter if your kids are my kids' friends and you're staying and they're staying the night or whatever, like, I'm going to take care of that child. Mm-hmm. And it was even more of a layer than that because here's this man that I love, and he has two kids. And so I loved them and I loved them, but I loved them enough and I saw a problem. And I, in true Brianna fashion, have to fix the problem. If I can, if I can figure it out, I want to try to fix it and not just put a bandaid on it. Like, I really want to try to solve the problem mm-hmm. In any form of my life. Mm-hmm. And that was kind of the, the seed that was planted because not necessarily it was hurting the kids, but I knew it would eventually Oh. Eventually, like how her and I's relationship was, which it was Okay whenever you came into the picture. Yeah. It wasn't great, but it was way better than it was Yeah. Say a year before that. Right. I, I feel like at the end of the day, the kids have benefited from, from our relationship being what it is. You and i's relationship, me and Kara's relationship. You and Kara's relationship. Mm-hmm. Me and Nick's relationship. I mean, just for the kids to see us get along. In the way that we do. I think it, it's setting them up for success and, and no matter what happens in their life, mm-hmm. Whether that's a happy, successful marriage or a, a co-parenting relationship or whatever it is they tackle in life, I hope that their childhood, they can look back at their childhood and not have to think it's all over. Mm-hmm. Because it can work. Mm-hmm. You just have to be willing to put your ego aside mm-hmm. Put your feelings behind you. Mm-hmm. And put your kids first. Yeah. Well, and when they get adults, they're gonna have four adult parents that they can also call to for advice. Yeah. And I think that's a huge benefit too, because we all have different perspectives, we have different life experience, and we can all offer value in different ways. Yeah. And our kids, even now today, Parker talks to you about things Yeah. That he doesn't talk to Kara about. Yeah. That he doesn't talk to me about, he doesn't talk to Nick about Yeah. And then he has things that he talks to me about that he doesn't talk to you guys about. Yeah. And then, you know, Braxton, same way. Like Braxton has things that he talks to me about sometimes that he doesn't talk to anybody else about or mm-hmm. Or he talks to you obviously. Yeah. About most things. Whenever he's willing to talk. Logan is the same way. Mm-hmm. You know? Yeah. And then, I mean, Madeline and Nora have this connection with Kara, like mm-hmm. They're gonna be able to run to her whenever they can't come to us. Yeah. About something, whatever it may be. They could be 18 years old. Did something that they know that they'll be in trouble for, and they're like, oh fuck, aunt Carol, what do I do? Mm-hmm. You know, like they're gonna have that relationship to just Yeah. Come to somebody. Mm-hmm. You know? Yeah. And they're super close with Nick's mom too. Oh yeah. Like Nick's mom's just like another grandparent to them. Mm-hmm. Yep. And that's just another layer, like we talked about grandparents earlier. Yeah. That's a huge benefit. Mm-hmm. And I love that she loves our kids. Mm-hmm. Like she doesn't have to step into a grandparent role for Braxton Norton, Madeline. No, not at all. But she does. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So I'm just really appreciative of that dynamic too. Just that added layer mm-hmm. Of this functional family that works. Yeah. I'm proud of it. Um, now do you feel like our successful blended family has kind of healed that trauma that you created with. Your thoughts of your family was ending your failing, your failing your kids. Yes. Yeah, I do. I feel like it's probably positively impacted the kids the most. Mm-hmm. Because Parker remembers Yeah. You know, he was old enough to remember, but Logan doesn't have any recollection of Kara and I ever being together. No. 'cause we split when she was, she wasn't even two years old yet. So yeah. And I came into her life when she was three, like on to four. And I don't think she remembered the time where I wasn't around. No, not at all. I don't think so. And you guys really did have a, a really good bond Yeah. From the beginning. Yeah. Yeah. Parker and I struggled, Logan and I didn't. Yeah. And I think that still translates into my relationship with them each now it's like Logan, I don't really question if I'm too harsh on her or if I make her clean her room, or if I get onto her, will she stomp off and say, you're not my mom, or Yeah. You know, whatever. No, I don't think you have anything like that to worry about. I don't think I do with Parker either, but I still have that pause moment because he was older. Yeah. You know. Well, and he tested you. He did, he tested you a lot in the beginning. Yeah. To the point to where Kara had to, I remember one time I was working, was I working out of town or was I just at school? I can't remember. No, you were, you were out of town. Yeah. And this was at a point where she was like, comfortable with me having the kids while you were out. Mm-hmm. And, and so like things were working. Yeah. Um, but yeah, go ahead. And I remember, I can't remember if you had called her. I know you called me. Yeah. And I was like, ah, I'm hours away. There's nothing I can do other than, you know, she was ass over the phone. Mm-hmm. But that's not gonna do anything. Yeah. And I think you called Karen, I think she came over. Mm-hmm. And she nipped at the butt real quick and was like, you will respect her. Yeah. And I think that meant a lot. Parker may not have recognized it at that time. Mm-hmm. But I think over time, you know, yeah. Well she was reinforcing that, that, that respect. Yeah. That should be there. Mm-hmm. I think that's the missing piece in a lot of co-parenting and blended family dynamics is there's not that reinforcement from the other side. No. The, I. I don't know for certain, but I, I would guess that a lot of co-parenting relationships could be helped by just the other parent reinforcing. Mm-hmm. Instead of what it, I don't know. You and Kara talked about it the other day about like, if this parent has this rules and this Oh, like the continuity? Well, like having different rules at different houses and different expectations and things like mm-hmm. You know, if they could come together and, and be a team on that front. Yeah. Then the kids would be like, oh man. Yeah. O Well, it's also, I can imagine a lot of whiplash. So when I was a kid, I never bounced around from house to house. I, if I wasn't living with my mom, I was living. My aunt or my grandma. So, but I didn't bounce between those houses. Mm-hmm. So that was different. And then Braxton never went like to his dad's or anything like that? Like, no. So I never had that experience. So for me, I'm just purely speaking out of hypotheticals. But I can imagine that that feels like whiplash to a kid. A hundred percent. Especially when you have one parent saying negative things about another parent. That's such shit. Like, I don't feel like you should ever say that. And going back to my childhood, my dad was awesome, but sometimes I wish he wouldn't have put things in my head, you know? Said those things around you. Yeah. It, it wasn't even if they were true. Yeah. It wasn't talking necessarily to me, but. I heard things, I picked up on things, whether he was talking to friends or my grandma or my grandpa. Like, yeah. That caused me to have a lot of like animosity towards women. Mm-hmm. In general, because it's just what I heard and, and what I learned, you know, and yeah. Well, no fault of his, again, he was a kid. Yeah. I can't imagine. No. You know, having to, to do that, put yourself back as 18-year-old and then in, in that same situation as your dad was with my mouth. Oh yeah. I would've been doing the same shit, like Yeah. A hundred percent. Like I don't fault him. I truly respect your dad and Yeah. And I will say that until I'm blue in the face and I think he did the best that he could, that he knew how. Oh, a hundred percent. But I agree with you. I think that did more damage than good looking back on it now. Mm-hmm. Because, yeah. Not only did you feel abandoned by your mom, you were reinforced on your dad's side that women are X, y, and z mm-hmm. In a negative way. Yeah. So that just reinforced that feeling and put the nail in the coffin. Yeah. So then from then on, women were whatever negative adjective you want to, you know, call 'em. Yeah. And so, uh, but I, you know, I've done a lot of healing. Yeah. A lot of, lot of growth. Yeah. You're not all bad But no, I think, childhood insecurities do shine through into your adulthood and they do shine over into your parenting, not just you. Oh, a hundred percent. But everybody everybody, yeah. Your childhood direct directly correlates to how you parent. Yeah. Okay. Now we've connected the dots either in a good way or a bad way. Bingo. So we've connected those dots. Mm-hmm. And I hope that everybody listening can really get on board with that is a true statement. Yeah. So now look at your kids' childhood. Mm-hmm. They're living it right now. Mm-hmm. What kind of an adult do you think they're gonna be? Do you want their parent Exactly. Do you want them to have to heal from their childhood right now? Mm-hmm. And if the answer is no. Didn't fix it. Yeah. It's never too late. Mm-hmm. I'm a huge proponent of therapy. I am not. You are not. So first I do not like talking to people other than my wife. Yeah. So how do you feel like you've worked through these issues over the years without therapy? 'cause there's more than one way. You don't have to go to therapy, but how have you dealt with it? Hmm. A lot of self-talk. Music long drives. Yeah. Lots of tears. So men do cry. Yes. Yeah. Loud music, sad music, and then conversations with you. Lucky for me, you've had quite a bit of childhood of trauma yourself win winner. So we've done a lot of healing together just by talking. Yeah. And we're still dealing with those things. Yeah. We still have conversations about those things. I don't think we're ever gonna not be working on that. Mm-hmm. And that's what we're trying to prevent our kids from having and children's perception of things, maybe a little bit different sometimes. You can't change the way people perceive things, but we're doing what we can to hopefully make sure our children don't have the, the same traumas that we have. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Inadvertently we're kind of creating some other bad habits. Yeah. They're a little bit spoiled. They're spoiled. Entitled, spoiled and soft. Yeah. Lacking of responsibility in certain ways. Yeah. And Nick and I talked about that last week, but it is kind of true. I think you kind of like our parents swung in a drastic way this way, and then we kind of took it around and swung it drastically over here and mm-hmm. And our hope is that our kids will kind of find some middle ground Yeah. With their kids and mm-hmm. Hopefully we didn't fuck 'em up along the way. Yeah. God, I hope not. We're raising some good kids. I think so. They have good potential. They do. They have four good parents who are very committed to working together and communicating, even when that's not easy because this isn't always easy. No. But even if it's not easy, even if it's a struggle at the time, we are still committed to this. So we know that we will find our way again. Mm-hmm., If we need to, which very rarely happens these days. Yeah. I think it, it works out really well. But no, I think people in today's society just, I feel like they give up on everything. Yeah. It's the instant gratification. Yeah. Because everything now is like, we want it now. If our phone glitches and it takes too long to load a webpage, we're like this fucking piece of shit. Yeah. You know, or, video games. Mm-hmm. Social media, TikTok, everything is like now, now, now, now. Instant, instant gratification. Yes. And so, none of this is instant. We're reaping the benefits of plants that we sown years ago. Mm-hmm. So You can't just be like, all right, I'm gonna show up today and I'm gonna be a great co-parent. And then tomorrow you're like, all right, well, yesterday I did a really good job, so fuck you today like that. It just doesn't work that way. No. And so you have to continue to work at it every single day, even when you don't want to, even when it's hard. Oh, yeah. And I don't know, I've been asked how do you guys co-parent so well, and I'm like, you know, it it, it's just a matter of putting the betterness of your kids' life before yours. Like, Karen and I divorced for a reason. Yeah. You know, we don't see eye to eye on a lot of things. Yeah. You know, we don't necessarily get along. Yeah. The greatest every day. Yeah. And that's okay. But one thing we both do is put the kids first. Yeah. Okay. And that allows us to overcome any type of differences we do have. Even though everyone says we're the same damn person. Mm-hmm. We have different, outlooks on life, I guess maybe Yeah. In a little bit of ways. And you guys also package things differently. Mm-hmm. You're both very aggressive in completely different ways and you're, you don't want to, you don't want to hear this, but you're emotional. Oh, I'm, I know. I'm emotional and she's emotional. I respond emotionally. Yes. I've always responded emotionally to success, to failures. To setbacks. I think anybody that really knows me would say that, um, God, the people that fuck the people that were around in my younger years of wrestling would definitely agree with that. I respond emotionally. Yeah. Thankfully, I don't respond emotionally most of the time to my children. Yeah. I do a really good job at taking a deep breath, controlling my emotions and approaching situations, in the best manner that I can. Mm-hmm. You do that and sometimes I take that as you're walking away from the situation. Now I have to handle it. Mm-hmm. So, and I know that, but I have to like, I have to understand that mm-hmm. Where you're coming from so that I don't just get frustrated with you. Like that's the way that you're handling it. You need that little piece of time, whether it's a minute or an hour or whatever that length of time is. You need that so that you can process your emotions so you can figure it out so that you're not explosively reacting to your kids. Yes. Okay. And I, I don't, I don't beat my kids. No. No. Do you think people think that? No. Oh, okay. Because I don't think, I don't, you don't give me like kid beater vibes. No. I'm kid beater. I don't beat my children. Let, I want to sometimes. Yeah. Well, let me just say I would be, you get your breath shot. I'm strong. No, I just, I've always responded emotionally. Um, again, that probably goes back to childhood drama. Yeah. At, at the root cause would be childhood drama. Mm-hmm. Is, is why I respond emotionally. Yeah. And yeah. So your why on wanting this family to work is because you don't want. Your kids to grow up and have the same childhood trauma. Like that's the common theme that we keep coming back to. Of course. Yeah, of course. So I think people just need to find their why. And it might be the same, or it could be different, but Yeah, it could be different. It could be, it could be a number of things, but for me it's, I just, I don't want my kids to have to deal with the emotions that I've had to deal with. Yeah. So, so that's it. Find your why and recenter yourself to it when things get hard. Mm-hmm. I'm tired. Let's go to bed. All right guys. That was Aaron Bird in the lab. Okay. Well, bye. I'm not gonna do that. Do it. No, do it. I'm not gonna do that. Do it. Nope. Mix tape. Volume two drop soon. Oh my God. Bye bye. Get it. Blended AF is an independent podcast hosted by Brianna and Kara, and produced by Brianna. We are not family counselors or licensed professionals. We're just real people sharing our real experiences, the wins, the mistakes, and everything in between. Nothing shared here is meant to replace professional advice. It's simply our story told honestly. Thanks for being here, and we'll catch you in the next episode. Bye bye.